The Flamingo Magazine 1974


WEE FODY

We welcome Wee Fody to the pages of the Flamingo Magazine and trust that you have all been able to find him. It should not prove too difficult a task because of the size of the cartoons and the prominence which they have been given.

Unfortunately WEE FODY proves to be a more elusive character in real life because he finds his way into the most inaccessible and sensitive areas of the aircraft, causing serious damage. Last year the bill for Foreign Object Damage cost the Royal Air Force millions of pounds. That makes every piece of metal and every stone on the aircraft manoeuvring areas the equivalent of at least lOp. Now if you saw a lOp piece lying on the ground you would pick it up wouldn't you?  So why not pick up FOD when you see it!! It may not mean lOp in your pocket but it might mean a saving to you of lOp as a tax payer. We can stop WEE FODY before he has the opportunity to get into an aircraft by picking up every piece of FOD we see in the manoeuvring areas. Lets make the 1974 resolution for RAF Akrotiri. "If we see FOD we will pick it up". If we do this then WEE FODY will not be able to get to anywhere near the sensitive areas of the aircraft.

(SFSO's Note: If any reader has a good theme for WEE FODY please send details to the Flight Safety Office or to Fg Off Cartwright-Terry on 56 Sqn).

1153 Marine

Those Magnificent Men In


By OCTOPUS

Craft Unit

Their Floating Machines
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

1973 is now history and a large bite has been taken from 1974. I wonder how many of us celebrated Christmas -and the New Year in the usual fashion by eating and drinking to excess. It's quite amazing to observe the human race, like squirrels darting around in their quest to hoard massive quantities of food and drink, weeks before the festive season. With loudspeakers emitting dulcet carols and a score or more Father Christmases beaming benignly from the walls, it was no wonder that the Lemming like panic was on in mid November, as shoppers tore around NAAFI grabbing at goodies as though there were no tomorrow. This coupled with rumours of an impending fuel crisis brought the worst out in people. Tempers flared as snake like queues formed behind the great twentieth century god, petrol pump. What is it about a car that turns a timid family man into a Frankenstein the minute he gets behind the wheel? All that is nasty about motoring was evident in these queues, as drivers mouthed obscenities from steamed up windows, hooted horns and kept Chameleon like eyes on the rest of the queue, in case anyone was foolish enough to try and sneak in front, The fuel panic was a real example of the power of the press today, where some people misconstrued the facts about prices and stocks, perpetuating escalating rumours. It's horrifying to contemplate what some sadistic newspaper editor could do to the human race by the inclusion of some outrageous hoax in his publication.
The New Year social was held in the 'Wheelhouse' and fancy dress was the order of the night. Many original and ingenious costumes were displayed. Dave Bachelor won the men's prize, appearing as a U.T. Danny La Rue. The ladies prize went to Mrs Chris Dales, who, being about 6 months pregnant, donned gym slip and sand shoes and went as the innocent schoolgirl she once was!!!!. A touch of the Scottish spirit was present in the form of Ian Christie, who in true Scottish style arrived in kilt, sporran and all the trimmings. An excellent buffet was supplied by Ted Plumb and his wife June. The New Year arrived quite noisily and everyone was in good spirits when the time came to drag themselves home. Roll on next year.

THE WHEELHOUSE

"The Wheelhouse" is the name given to the airmen's canteen bar recently reopened (just in time for Xmas) after modernisation. Work on the bar started last September; DOE undertook to do the maintenance work outstanding such as rewiring and installing a new heating and ventilation system followed by complete new bar stools and tables. Mrs. Manson the wife of our CO was invited to open 'The Wheelhouse' and after kindly pulling the first pint which was officially 'tasted' by the CO to make sure it was satisfactory Mrs Manson was presented with a bouquet of flowers by Mrs Batchelor. Our thanks goes to Mrs Manson for opening the bar and for joining all the airmen and their wives and guests in an enjoyable opening night buffet afterwards prepared by our 'Chef of the Month' from RAF Akrotiri that Aberdonian, SAC Morton who also presented us with a Xmas cake on behalf of Catering Squadron RAF Akrotiri. Several cryptic remarks were heard about the new bar in the early stages of modemisation work but now all are agreed its a great improvement on our old one especially after a very successful social organised by the wives on the night after the opening ceremony followed closely by our draw night and several successful and happy gatherings during Xmas and New Year holidays.

SIC IN TRANSIT

Last month the Boat Show was held in London and it would seem to be appropriate to include an article about boats instead of aeroplanes for a change.
The number of amateur boating enthusiasts in the UK continues to increase annually at a tremendous rate. It would appear that the public thinks that the sea is the only place left where one can get away from it all and do ones own thing.
The 'last freedom' has led, and continues to lead, to an increasing number of accidents involving small boat enthusiasts around the coastal waters of the UK. The reasons for this are debatable. Lack of experience, fool­hardiness, incompetence, bad luck; are all factors for consideration. The commercial world must take a share of the blame too. Some of the products put on the Market in the current 'boating boom' are not fit for use on a sheltered canal, let alone the open sea. The advent of the motorway has allowed the landsmen from the industrial centres of Britain to reach the sea in a couple of hours. Thus many people who have never been in a boat before, or even seen the sea for that matter, have been let loose around our shores.
Legislation will inevitably have to be introduced in one form or another in the future to restrain the foolhardy and the incompetent from endangering their own and, more important, other peoples, lives. Legislation however, is expensive to enforce and the economic climate would not appear to be right to introduce a further drain on public expenditure. In the short term, education of the boating public in the ways of the sea and good 'sea-sense' is the possible solution to this problem of a high accident rate. To the aviator, Flight Safety is paramount. It seems incredible that people use the sea with utter disregard to safety. Nearly every evening Institute in Britain runs courses in Chartwork and Navigation for the yachtsman. (Akrotiri as well). This is a two edged sword as what they can't give is experience. Fortunately, most people who belong to Yacht Clubs or Sailing Clubs are guided by the experienced members to avoid potentially dangerous situations. Many club members take advantage of courses to improve their knowledge of matters maritime. The dangerous people are those who have completed their winter evenings course in the arts, consider themselves competent enough to cross the Channel at the first glimmer of spring sunshine and promptly become impaled on the bow of a supertanker, shouting 'Steam gives way to sail!'
Of course there are many superb seamen in the cruising and offshore racing fraternity. It is very rare to hear of accidents involving these people and when they do happen it is not usually stupidity which has caused them.
This small article has been written with a view to promoting discussion of the subject through the medium of Flamingo and inviting suggestions for possible future articles which may prove useful to the yachtsmen.

There is little doubt that the most difficult part of preparing an entry for the magazine is to think of an opening line and actually put pen to paper. Knowing that one's Christmas jottings are going to be read in February doesn't exactly fire one with enthusiasm but it sure does provide copy! Following the usual round of Section parties leading up to the holiday, this Xmas break was to be a particularly long one. With a view to breaking up the period and at the time making a few shillings for charity, the CO decided to stage a Donkey Race meeting. Fifteen donkeys were hired from Akrotiri village and these were 'bought' by the various Flights and Sections. The sponsors, Fairways Motor Enterprises Ltd, provided the race cards and donated the prize money of £ 6 for each of the six races. A lOp Tote catered for those who fancied a flutter, while the hot-dog stall and beer tent met the needs of the 'inner man'. So it was, at 1 o'clock on a glorious warm and sunny Xmas Eve, that the first cries of 'They're off' were heard, and I do mean off'! Early casualties were overlooked as one fleet footed moke streaked away from the field until, only a few yards from the winning post, he obviously took umbrage and stopped dead. Unfortunately, the jockey was not aware of the moke's intentions, and the two abruptly parted company. This scene was to be repeated regularly throughout the afternoon, much to the amusement of the large crowd of spectators. There's no doubt that the jockeys had cause to be grateful for the padding and bone-domes which they wore. Bidding was brisk for the Selling Plate entries, and the princely sum of £25 was realised. The prize for this race was an old red sock containing an undisclosed sum of money, plus the much sought after Bowers Plate which looked to me like a pre-war Libyan mess can that had been trodden on by an irate camel. That the afternoon was a success can be judged from the takings for charity which amounted to a magnificent £150. This was divided among Wireless for the Blind, Sunshine Homes for Blind Babies, and the Lions Club of Limassol. Our thanks go to everyone, spectators and participants, who contributed so generously both in time and money, with a special mention for Fairways Motors and the tireless WO ''Topper' Brown of Aircraft Repair Flight. . He was responsible for most of the organisation on the day and one of his headaches was convincing a suspicious policeman at the Main gate that fifteen donkeys plus two Cypriot 'handlers' did not pose a security threat, but that their entry had been authorised. It is also said that he was the one who barred Simon 'Hopalong' Cassidy from being a jockey, although I doubt if even Simon could turn a donkey upside down. And yet...

Still in the Xmas vein, our thanks go once more to the hardworking and little appreciated staff of Catering Squadron who, nevertheless, still found the time this year to prepare and distribute a large number of Xmas cakes to the various Flights on the Station. (Even the Editor got one).

And what about those New Year resolutions, so bravely and easily made and so quickly broken? I see that the names on the 'no smoking' league table on a certain canteen notice board are being crossed off at a great rate of knots. Never mind, all you smokers. A recent newspaper report revealed that the actor John Wayne smokes 100 a day, a habit which hardly endears him to his wife, and on one lung only! So take heart, things could be worse.

CAR SALES UP
New car registrations in the United Kingdom were 116,840 in November compared with 138,083 in the corresponding month of last year. Daily Telegraph, 22 Dec 73

There have been quite a number of comings and goings during the past few weeks; they include several prominent sportsmen who are going to be sadly missed. Ch. Tech Bill Beaton and his wife Iris go to Valley after a tremendously successful season coaching and pulling with the invincible Tug of War team, (no; not Iris). Cpl Jimmy Gibson, 103 MU and NEAP soccer goalkeeper, and Wilma, return to Buchan, WO Robbie Roberts, keen supporter and golfer, takes Lil to St Athan, no doubt to polish up his Welsh accent. Sgt Keith and Sandra Naden are off to Coltishall - there goes a fine athlete and rugby player. WO Ray and Heather Murphy go to St Mawgan for Ray's last tour of duty in the Service to round off 39 years. FIt Lt Dick Bendey hangs up his 'walkabout' boots for the last time, and he and Lesley move to the sophisticated corridors of power at MOD. Good luck to you all, and our thoughts and best wishes for the future go with you. On the credit side, we welcome WO Alan and Molly Cotebrook who join us from Boscombe Down. Also WO Jeff and Doreen Woodin, late of Wattisham.

NODDY OF THE MONTH:
Silica Gel, as most people know, is a desiccant. Loose, or in cloth bags it is incorporated, for example, in the. packing of electronic equipment to absorb injurious moisture. Imagine the surprise therefore when a recent consignment of equipment was found to contain the desiccant bags securely wrapped and taped-up in polythene sheet! So, to the presumably well-intentioned and economy-minded department at 14 MU goes our Noddy of the Month award.

Quick Quotes: 'The Institute's library at Indiana University houses the third biggest collection of pornography and erotica in the world, beaten only by the collections at the British Museum and the Vatican' . 
'Freehold. Medium Ladies Salon with loving accomodation. No time wasters'.

If I could be granted a wish for 1974, it would be that the viIlagers of Akrotiri get together and erect two or three tables at the roadside with prominent signs telling us all what they are selling and the price. This would save us from running the embarrassing daily gauntlet while at the same time releasing quite a number of unfortunates from the daily chore of standing in all weathers with paper bags held at arm's length.

103 MU WIVES CORNER

On 6th December we had a Christmas morning, when everyone was asked to make a Christmas table decoration. A small prize was given for the one judged to be best and the entries were then auctioned off. Home made mince pies and a lovely cake provided by Mrs Fox rounded off a pleasant morning. The 13th December was spent at the Peninsula Club for a cheese and wine party before closing for the Xmas break.
Thursday 10th January saw us at the Cafe Paris in Limassol for a demonstration of flower arranging by Mrs Charalambous of ELGIA flower shop. A very happy and entertaining morning, with Mrs Warwick winning the flower arrangement donated by Elgia.
Our next meeting win be held on 7th February. Watch and listen for details.

T.A.S.F.

By Rigger Mortis
TASF consists of four shifts of highly expert men who do a difficult job in the face of aircrew route report'!, (things what went wrong with their aircraft) and occasionally a good report written on scraps of paper or written in a book down at Ops. 1 haven't found out yet who put that book there!

We service any aircraft that other squadrons don't want to know about, or 70 Sqn (chocolate mouse squadron) aircraft when they are chartered to 46 Group for a short time,

Our sporting image depends on our getting the aircraft away from Akrotiri on time so that we can practice Volley Ball. But we could do with more floodlights or a new white ball for night shift.

The favourite aircraft at TASF, is the VCIO as they nearly always get away on time, with or without our radio man-packs. Sometimes we get them thrown out the doors at LIS because man-packs don't like. flying very much, you'll see,

If you see TASF men rummaging through the dust cart after a VCIO has left, this is because sometimes we don't get to lunch due to overwork or Volley Ball. The AQMs throw out quite, a few scraps of food which appear quite tasty to our less fortunate members who miss lunch.

Some people have to be able to speak foreign languages as we sometimes get French, American and other funny aircraft parked at TASF. The French are always good for a bottle of wine in the Sgts' Mess, all you have to say to them is 'Vive La Bomb Test!'.

For the non-technical readers of Flamingo, I thought I would tell you my description of technical trades,

AIRFRAME FITTERS or chemical closet riggers.

Sometimes you may see a wet smelly rigger looking disgruntled on Bravo Dispersal. A friendly warning-please don't go near him. He may have been emptying toilets on a passenger aircraft where the hose connection became disconnected from the aircraft. If this condition occurs you have two choices:
a, Stand still and close the valve, or
b, Run as though you have just seen the dolly bird belonging to 70 Sqn coming out of MT.
c. Is the action with the better odds, about evens, If  you decide on a. you end up a wet smelly disgruntled  rigger.

MT Flight has given us a lot of vehicles, the best of the lot being the Sullage Truck or boggly waggon to us tradesmen. This vehicle is loved by all riggers even though the fluid pump is not a very clever piece of equipment in this scientific age. If we didn't have it we would have to use a hand operated troney, so please MT, don't take it away too often.

ENGINE FITTERS or where do I put the starting handle?
Engine Fitters appear to do nothing but fuel up-lifts, down-lifts and cross-lifts when the Navigators find out that they are! going to UK instead of Gan. I think all the Engine Fitters do is to stir the fuel around in the fuel tanks to keep the crews happy. The Fire Section may think differently when called out to do a pan wash.
Some Engine Fitters do funny things in their spare time and some even in shift time. One of them even jumps out of moving aircraft. Once he even took our Officer i/c with him. He hasn't been the same since! I think he was pushed.
INSTRUMENT FITTERS or Kokkinelli upsets my gyros, Chief.  Instrument people here have a fine job, when they get a snag they look all perplexed and have the desk all covered in APs. Stores then come through with the call 'Nil spares available', and the Instrument men then say the job was too easy for them anyway.

ELECTRICIANS or no spares available,.
Electricians come in all sizes, short, tall, rotund or thin, even one with gout. They are usually peaceful types except perhaps when a Britannia comes in with a prop snag.

RADIO & RADAR or I must wind up the Doppler.
These are funny types who speak with high pitched voices and speak to aircrew using those strange electric hats used on starter crews. I must find out if the hats really are electric or if they have to be wound up once a fortnight.

ARMOURERS or I've never been so busy.
We come lastly to Armourers, one per shift as in AP 1086. These peopIe like TASF as it is a rest before returning to UK on Tourex. They do some trade work for 70 Sqn, usually just as they are going to lunch or knocking off. I mustn't say anything else about Armourers as one might put a starter cartridge up my car exhaust pipe or something.
Believe it or not TASF and 70 Sqn are friends as we often have to borrow knowledge or test equipment from each other. I class Armourers as test equipment. The RAF budget can't run to two whole sets of equipment for one type of aircraft.
All in all ours is a happy and friendly lot.
Friday the 25th of January was Royal Air Force Akrotiri's 'Day of the Year' when the Station was honoured by a visit from Her Royal Highness, The Princess Margaret, Countess of Snowdon.
During the three and a half hour visit Her Royal Highness observed the operational aspects of the Station and at the same time saw something of the domestic side of RAF life in Cyprus.
The biting cold of the previous days had given way to a milder sky when the Princess Margaret accompanied by
the Administrator, Air Marshal Sir John Aiken KCB, was met by the Officer Commanding, Air Commodore DP Hall AFC and inspected a Royal Guard of Honour mounted by No.3 Wing RAF Regiment.
The Princess Margaret then visited Bomber Wing Headquarters meeting planning staffs, Vulcan and Lightning crews, followed by an inspection of technical equipment and their ground crews.

After driving through part of the Airmen's Married Quarters, Her
Royal Highness was greeted on arrival at the 'Coffee Pot' by Group Captain AJ Hume OBE, Group Captain Support, with an enthusiastic welcome from the children of Akrotiri Primary School. In the 'Coffee Pot', Her Royal Highness chatted with many representatives of welfare and similar organisations. A presentation of local sweets for the Viscount Linley and the Lady Sarah Armstrong-Jones was made by two children from the school.
The Princess Margaret took refreshments at the Sergeants' Mess and lunched with the Officer Commanding and Officers at the Officers' Mess.
Before Her Royal Highness climbed the steps of the Royal Aircraft, Miss Julie Adams, aged 9 years, presented a bouquet.

All photographs by Sgt J.D. Chance, Ground Photo, whose section produced the prints within hours of the event.


Her Royal Highness is briefed on the Lightning's armament by Wg Cdr M E Bee, AFC, OC 56 Sqn


Her Royal Highness discusses the gifs for the Viscount Linley and the Lady Sarah Armstrong-Jones with Gp Capt Hume, OBE, Gp Capt Support.  The gifts were presented by children of Akrotiri Primary School.
S.A.C.W. White and the Seven Crew Chiefs
"Once upon a time in a far away land called Big 'A', there lived a beautiful young airwoman called S.A.C.W. White. Now S.A.C.W. White's lot was not a happy one. She had gone for a friendly chat in a recruiting office and before she knew it the magic words had been whispered and she was whisked away to the kingdom of Big 'A', there to work in the Hydraulic Bay. Now in this bay lurked a great hairy Chief Tech and two ugly sergeants, and from morning till night S.A.C.W. White slaved away whilst the Chief Tech. and the sergeants rattled the dominoes in the crew room. It was "Whitey, have you got those none return valves tested? Are those brake units ready yet? And what about those jacks?" But there was one ray of sunshine for her - the section kebab. This annual extravaganza was to be held this year at Mahmouts, and there was romance in the air. It was the thought of this that gave her strength to carry on. The day wore on and her excitement grew, but deep in her heart she knew what was going to happen (and it did). Ten minutes to knocking off time the call from V.S.F. with the now routine' cry, "I must have these shuttle valves first thing in the morning". Suddenly S.A. C.W. White was alone, the sound of receding Alfa's and Lancia's was all that indicated others had dwelt there. With a sigh she turned back to the test bench; the visions of succulent sausages and kokinnelli were now beginning to fade. She assembled the first valve and connected it to Big 'A's one and only hydraulic test rig. (it was said Noah had left it there when the floods subsided) but 56 Sqn had been using it all day and it was now as serviceable as one of their Lightnings. This was the last straw; "To hell with it!" she cried, and rushed out. It was dark, and as D.O.E. time switch was working perfectly, all the lights that had been on all day were now switched off. She staggered blindly through darkness, not knowing where she was going. Suddenly she knew she must be in a bomber wing dispersal, for only there could the FOD lie so deep and crisp and even; terror gripped her, here she was, a young girl, alone in a bomber wing. She recalled with dread the tales that told of the carniverous crew chiefs that were daily unshackled and allowed to roam at will in these God forsaken parts. Overcome by fear she swooned away.

The following morning two of bomber wing's intrepid airmen 'Taff and Paddy' were on their way to work. They knew they had a hard day of volley-ball and uckers ahead of them, but never-the-Iess they were in good heart. Paddy suddenly stopped. .
"Hey, Taff, what's that on the pan". "Isn't it a Vulcan?".
"No, that thing underneath".
Oh that! it's only F.O.D."
"It looks like a body to me".

They were only half an hour late for work so they had plenty of time to go and investigate; as they approached, the body moved.
"Taff, it's alive and moving".
"It can't be one of our trade managers then".

They stood staring down at the still unconscious form of S.A.C.W. White looking so lost and forlorn among the F.O.D.
"What do you reckon, Paddy".
"Well, she'd be no good for uckers and we've enough for volley-ball".
"But she still might be dead".
"Let's put her in with the crew chiefs then she wouldn't be noticed there".

They took a leg each and set off for the tine hut.

Back in the dispersal line hut the time was 8 o'clock and six of the crew chiefs had already arrived to start the 7 o'clock shift. An air of complacency hung over the room and the kettle was on. Suddenly the door burst open and in ran their missing member showing grave signs of distress. When he could speak coherently he gasped "They've' done it! The nightshift have worked all night and the aircraft are all serviceable', and we've only got an hour to put them u/s again". This was a challenge all crew chiefs understood, and, as one man, they rose, but he turned to Chalky and said "I'm sorry Chalky but they've, already signed yours up and they're crewing in". Chalky turned white and his knees began to sag. Two of the others led him to a corner to be alone with his grief. They tried to console him but three years a crew chief and this was the third time an aircraft had come serviceable during his shift - he felt the disgrace deeply. The others set forth determined they would not suffer a like fate.

Meanwhile, Taff and Paddy arrived at the hut; there was no response to their repeated knocking so they opened the door and walked in. The place was deserted apart from a crew chief with a vacant expression on his face and an F700 clutched tightly to his breast "Er . . .Chief", said Paddy, but a wracking sob was the only answer he got as the chief's iron control finally gave way. "All Bomber wing has finally got him" said Taff knowingly. "But what do we do with her?" asked Paddy. They looked around and in the corner they saw a pile of amendments that were waiting to be incorporated in the hut's A.P.'s. They were dated 1969, 1970, 1972, 1973 and 1974. 1971's had been used as score sheets on the uckers board. "We'll put her on the top of that lot" said Taff, "They'II action her when they get back". So they laid her across the amendments with an old bundle of priority signals for a pillow, and with a sympathetic "hang on, chief". they left.

The crew chiefs returned and it could be seen by their attitude, as they headed for the table and a game of clag, that success had been theirs. Only Smudge had that look of apprehension as his aircrafts condition had still to be decided, but he was confident as it was now in the hands of bomber wing's highest technical authority, S.A.C. Malone. They took their places at the table. "Somebody's been sitting in my chair" said the crew chief leader with the air of a dethroned monarch. "Somebody's moved the dominoes and crib board" said the deputy, who was responsible for the hut's athletics. "And someone has been lying on the uckers score sheets and they are still there, fast asleep", chirrupped the U/T crew chief who was irresponsible anyway. They advanced on the inert form of S.A.C.W. White.

In the, wing itself a change was felt.. The atmosphere became tense; an air of expectancy hung over the place and all knew our hero was abroad - 'Warrant Officer Charming'! He had been known as 'Stan' to his friends but the last of these had long since past away - now he lived with the loneliness that only power can bring. Whenever he sallied forth trade managers sank deeper into their armchairs, tradesmen quaked, and their volleyball became erratic. Even the ground equipment tried to look serviceable.

Today he was happy, at a conference with Wing CO God (he ascended from Scampton) they'd both agreed they were damn fine fellows. It was also S.N.C.O.'s assessment time and as he was a fair man he hated them all equally, and it was with delight that he mentally permed the threes and fours he would award them. So all looked well in bomber wing. His wanderings took him near the crew chief's tine hut, he pondered whether to enter, as he was fully up to date with his innocculations and vaccinations, so he knew the risk was minimum. Fearlessly he strode in and quickly he sized up the situation, and in a flash he whipped out his red biro. "I'll categorise it", he said. At the sight of that red biro the crew chiefs fell back, they'd seen that biro at work before, it had scarred many a F700.

At that moment S.A.C'.W. White opened her eyes, and finding herself surrounded by crew chiefs, knew all was lost. "Woe is me" she  cried. "No, me, is WO", said our hero, but when she looked into his baby blue eyes she knew never again would she fear the great hairies, and he knew that someone would call him 'STAN' again, and the crew chiefs!! Well, uckers is uckers!
AKROTIRI KART RACING CLUB

Unfortunately, because of the return of the service dependents to the UK, same of you may be at a loss for something to do in your spare time. Well, why not come along and have a look around Akrotiri Kart Racing Club?

First of all, the club is situated on the way to Buttons Bay. It has got its own track at the front of the clubhouse and holds a race meeting every three weeks.

There are two other clubs on the island namely Episkopi and Dhekelia. The next race meeting will be held at Akrotiri on 6th October, so why not come along for a good day's racing?

Many people seem to be under the impression that you have to buy a kart to race. Well, you can if you wish, but you can also race on a club kart.

The karts are run on a syndicate basis where the fees are:

Novices and class one men - £C2.500 mils

Ladies - £C1.500 mils

Maybe you think this is a bit expensive, unless you consider that 'You do not have to pay far any spares. It isn't all that expensive, as one rear tyre casts five pounds so you do get your money's worth in the long run.

The club is open on Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday afternoons except for race days when the 'Fun Kart' will be running and refreshments are available.

You don't have to be a full member of the club. You can join as a social member far a fee of £C1.000 joining fee and from then onwards it is only 250 mils per month, to entitle you to full use of the club facilities.

The majority of karts which are raced in Cyprus are Zip Californians fitted with a Komet K77 engine, its peak revs are about 12,000 R.P.M. and! on the tracks in Cyprus which are relatively short compared to the UK, they reach up to speeds of around 50 M.P.H., which isn't too bad far a 100cc two stroke engine.

There is no clutch on the Karts as it is a straight chain drive to the back axle, so the karts have to be jump started. To start a race the karts have to do a few rolling laps to get the drivers in the correct grid positions.

There is a very good social life at the club but understandably we are very short of ladies on the driving and social sides, so come on, girls, come and see how you are at racing.

Well that is all for this month see you at Akrotiri Kart Racing Club sometime,.
35 Squadron

It would seem that the past festive season has not been unique in that most people spent very little time looking forward to it and everyone has made a great deal of effort to forget it, with all the culinary triumphs and gastronomic disasters. However in between the two, a tremendous time was experienced by one and all. The more notable items were the Christmas Dinner, Children's Party and the Completion of the double over 
9 Squadron, (more of that later). As this is being read well after twelfth night I will leave the subject with the thought that at the 1st of February there will only be 277 Shopping days left to Christmas!!!


The Hunt for the abominable snow­man has started again on Troodos under the auspicious slave driver from the Physical Education section. It's rumoured that the yeti has left its traditional hunting ground between the Dog and Partridge and the Malthouse and taken to more inhospitable territory. As I shall be spending from Jan 27 to Feb 1 joining the chase I hope to tell you more about it next month.

We thought that it was about time you had a chance to see how handsome the Nation's fighting force is, so this month we publish the dramatic 35th in all its assembled glory. The picture was taken on December 21st when for the first time in 1973 the whole Squadron was at Akrotiri; well there is an exception to every rule and if you can find the missing face he must deserve a mention so we'll give him one at the end of the article. We also took photos of each illustrious group we possess and they will appear in ascending order. 35 Squadron have 11 Air Electronic Officers sitting in the back left position facing rearwards so to assemble them at, as you see them is no mean
feat, especially as they average 100 days each in the Vulcan. Their depth of, sorry, their weight of experience is further shown by their total flying hours;- 35,000 and their weight;- close on 35,000 ounces when complete with flying kit!!!
We end this month with a comment on Navigator's. 'What is the turning circle of a Vulcan?' It depends on the scale of the map you are using:.. Oh yes and don't forget Mike Roe.
56 Squadron

Christmas, for me, was spent in a Cold, Wet England where everyone shopped by the dim light of a Hurricane lamp, nobody smiled and the rather dwindling British spirit returned home to hang Union Jacks out of the windows. So it was really quite pleasant to return to Akrotiri and find the rest of the Squadron drying out after the many and varied festivities.

Since the last edition of Flamingo, we welcome several new members to the Squadron. Firstly, my belated apologies to Harry Britten-Austin for failing to include him and his wife Janice last time. Harry arrives as Squadron Junior Engineer (another?) and will shortly be relieving Roger Cartwright. Secondly, we welcome Dick Manning and his wife, Linda, who join us from 29 Sqn at Wattisham. Dick now has a quarter at Berengaria and asked me to advertise an ever-open house at any time of day or night. Lastly, Bob (Jerry) Cann joins us, replacing Maurice Smith as a Navigator on T.F.F.-someone else to shoot at in the forthcoming gun firing programme.,

SPORT
The Squadron football team is just managing to maintain its high position in the league though heavily handi­capped with a manpower shortage and the loss of one or two prominent players.
In addition to an entertaining defeat of the Officers on Boxing day, recent matches include a victory over Provost Branch, a draw with the Regiment and a defeat by Supply Wing.


On going to print 111 Squadron arrived on detachment from Wattisham bringing with them a T.5 Lightning suitably dubbed with a treble one Lightning flash one side of the roundel on the nose, and 56 Sqn Chequers on the other. No sooner had it landed than Ian Hartley, IRE and prospective father was seen dragging the Squadron Junior Pilot out for his instrument rating. Half way through the sortie, Air Traffic were heard to say '32, message from the Hospital, you are to land off this approach,'! We wish Mother and Child(ren) well.

IN SHORT
1. True or False?

When two or more Wing Commanders are gathered together it is called a Flush of W/Cs?
2. Notice on the back. of a London Bus-'Sex Appeal­ PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY.'

3. I hear that Bomber Wing, in accordance with current British Policy, are also having to work a three day week. Well isn't that at least one more than they work at the moment? Also, with the rising food prices, 9, 35 and 70 Squadrons are getting an increase in pay.
4. For hose of you who may have wondered at the strange picture in our last edition of F/O Chris Jones clutching PEC (Personal Equipment Connector) in lap and proudly displaying, boots Flying Mk 1, it was the Squadron's answer to Miss Studdy. However, without the accompanying script (Mr Editor) it fell a bit flat. Apologies accepted.

5. Following a recent Squadron 'Tarts and Vicars' party held in Limassol, many eyebrows were raised when an appropriately clad couple were seen on the bye-pass trying, arm in arm, to hail a taxi.
Other incidents include one unfortunate car load who on returning to Akrotiri, had a puncture. Whereupon the two 'girls' got to grips with the jack and the spare wheel, hairy legs to the fore, whilst the Vicar conducted the ceremony and supervised the other cars with head duly bowed. All in all I think Danny La Rue had some very real competition.
Air Movements Squadron News

PROLOGUE
Akrotiri's answer to Houdini strikes at last! After some three months chained to this, wretched desk, I'm free. (Any takers please apply to Sam 0).
Actually Sam decided that after the knocks we took in the last issue from all the riff-raff of the Station, it had reached a point where my hatred was intense enough to allow me to roam free, without any fear of me deserting the cause! And he was right!
So, as Dawn should have broken over Bravo about three days ago, but we were messing about trying to find the right key, I'd better get on with it!

SIT ROVER!
For the benefit of Flight Sergeant John Guy 'Raggle­Taggle Gypsy-O' , Brotherhood Membership Number 16!), if he or any other member of the Akrotiri Branch of the International Jet Set will 'restrain' himself in one place for long enough to talk to, we lovely (or should it be lowly?) Station Movers now and again, we promise to tell the rest of the world that NEAF MAMS should have been doing! So, 'Sit Rover.'
By the way, I can't quite work out the link between Guy and Rover, apart from them both being Motor Manufacturers. (Explanations to Air Movements, marked Attention: Elsie 0).
Having said 'Sit Rover'!, we must finish this section by all shouting 'Up Rover'!. Roger Wharton, that well known star of many NEAF MAMS Productions, and fully qualified layabout, decided to go solo as a stunt-man, and is now residing in TPMH (Rumour says that Pen Gwynn sent him in to check on progress in the kitchen!).
Seriously Roger, get well soon from all of us, but especially from Frank. He's getting fed up with having the rotten jobs to do himself!

QUICKIE
Do two Demi-Johns make an American Toilet?

QUOTE OF THE MONTH
A 'standard' for any Line Book appeared this month when a certain Traffic Officer returned to the office proclaiming 'I had it on the VIP table'! Well, I assume she meant her lunch, but you can't trust these newly-weds!
MATCH TWO?
Having had a healthy interest in aircraft generally for quite a long time, I knew that the Lightning was an old aircraft, but if I was on 56 I'd be looking for a good excuse to retire quickly.
In the late nineteenth century, one Samuel Longhorne Clemens wrote of a Mr. Bixby 'By the Shadow of Death,
but he's a Lightning pilot'! (I assume Mr. Bixby sued for defamation of character). Mr. Clemens may be better known to you as Mark Twain. I believe he coined his penname from the method of assessing the speed of the aircraft at the time, Mark Twain being equal to two fathoms, or twelve feet per second, which roughly equates to ten miles per hour - things haven't changed much!

AWARDS
The following is the text of a recent newspaper article:

'A faulty warning light stranded more than 300 jumbo­jet passengers at Heathrow Airport for more than eighteen hours. The light warned the plane's crew that cockpit windows were overheating. The passengers waited for six hours on board the plane while engineers tried to put the trouble right. Finally they found that the fault was in the warning light. But by then the crew had run out of (duty) time and the passengers had to spend the night in airport hotels before taking off for Australia yesterday morning'.
This months Flaming Oscar nomination goes to the Flight Despatcher (Civilian equivalent of your friendly Air Movements Officer) for the fine speech he must have made at the six hour point, to convince those passengers that tearing him, and the aircraft, apart would not help in the slightest. I know the problem well!

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
My thanks to Flamingo Theatre Club and the various Wives' Clubs for not even thinking of knocking Movements
in the last issue, to LXX for not even thinking! and to everyone else for declaring 'open season' and giving me. plenty of targets.

HARDY B.

BAT CHAT

The 1X Squadron Page

IX'S MONTH
The Squadron made it's contribution to the energy crisis by voting not to drive to work. In fact by not going
to work at all. This was not accepted and the Vulcan is now being converted to run on coal, as it was thought that with the amount of smoke we produce no-one would notice the difference. All AEO's are to be sent on a course for stokers. It was suggested that the Lightnings could be run on dolly mixtures but this would be
too cruel, what would they eat?

On the sorryyourleavinghaveyoupaidyourmessbill front, we bid a fond farewell to the Abram Crew. Fond, because now they have gone, some of the rest of us might get a ranger. Chris, of course is going to model red flying suits at ETPS, while the, rest of the crew are going under guise to Vulcans various. They were last seen loading candles into a bomb bay and heading west.

ASMARA
By various sneaky actions the Downs boys fixed the bosses trip to Asmara and took it themselves. As a reward for this hardship they also got the New Zealand trip, but have since been quite unfairly done out of this, as your unbiased writer can report. However, while at Asmara, we, eh, they (error), saw Group Captain Cheshire lay the foundation stone for the new permanent home there. The Squadron in general, and the wives in particular, have put a great deal of effort into raising money during the last year; while we were at the home Bill Downs handed over a cheque for £500.

SIX MONTHS A KNIGHTS ENOUGH
'Now Knight, the end of the six month period draws nigh, and thou has serious shortfalls on the notched logs.

Thy kinsmen hath been working like the very clappers, yet thou hast been seen, even in the mid-joust period, setting horse for the waissailing tents of St. Kyrene.:.
'Verily, thou hast not even achieved the necessary trips in the lists: as for simulated dragon staying However thy senior training knight hast often seen thou more than simulating the maiden rescue, and practising thy cavorts in the feary dell'
Faery Nuff
'Thy approaches to the drawbridge have been sorely commented upon by the moat keeper and even by the fellow Knights, who have oft rapidly had to leap, even into the very ying yang, to get out of the way of thy mount. Even the stable lads have noted that thy machine hath severely compressed legs and is oft in need of extra hay'.
'Now further reports hath reached thy head Knights tent. When the new castle Commander arrived it is said that thou and thy fellow camp dwellers wast seen long into the night waissailing and wailing, with strange implements from the North of Hadrians wall, even unto the gates of his chambers, spilling much of too fiery liquid.
'Now Knights, despite thy shortfalls, thy masters must achieve thy doted lines on ye graphs. Therefore thou will durst better, durst thou? Tbou Durst! Remember thy is meant to be an example to they junior squire who hopes one day to grab thy steed and not just thy food.
Doest better .......next.'

FOR THOSE WHO ASKED
Yes Tubby passed his check ride, but the QFI thought his one engined approaches too casual so he is going on a refresher. They did generally 'down'Alqy, but had to avoid some other used looking machines to get a Shot in.

BRAIN TEASER
One bucket contains a gallon of water, another a gallon of alcohol. A cup of alcohol from the second bucket is poured into the bucket of water. A cup of the resulting mixture is then poured back into the bucket of alcohol. Is there: A more alcohol in the water than water in the alcohol, OR B. more water in the alcohol than alcohol in the water, OR C. The same amount of water in the alcohol in the water as alcohol in the water?

Answer: It's C

A IX SQN ENGLISH PLOtTERS VIEW
On 25th January each year, Scotsmen throughout the world join to celebrate the birth, or is it the death, of Scotland's only poet, one Mister Robert Burns. His poems are quite unintelligible and therefore misunderstood by the civilized and literate English. (Bewa Scottish Dep Ed.).
To appreciate the wit of Mr Bums, one must partake of a sumptuous repast of Scotch Broth, Scotch salmon, Scotch eggs, Scotch mist and haggis. Haggis is the finely chopped entrails of a sheep, mixed with oatmeal and dried blood, then boiled for many days in a sheep's bladder. To assist the digestion of this delicacy much Scotch whiskey must be drunk. After that, you can stomach anything, even Mr Burns poems and the fearful wailing of the bagpipes which are a necessary adjunct to each course.
The first 150 names will be summoned to attend!

ALL PHOTOS BY CPL BRIAN YOUNG
Some of the handicapped Children from the Cheshire Home at Asmara about to be shown how cramped a Vulcan Office is, aided by Syd Hedges.
Bill Downs is all smiles with his flowers
Looking an is Mr 'Boris', the President off the Cheshire Clinic Asmara.
THE AIR TRAINING CORPS IN CYPRUS
On the approach road to 280 SU, opposite the Hover­craft Club, can be found the headquarters of the only overseas squadron of the Air Training Corps.
Here on Tuesdays and Thursdays between 7pm and 9pm parade upwards of thirty boys, all the sons of British Servicemen or UK Based Civilians. Most travel from Limassol, but we also have several cadets from the quarters at Episkopi and Akrotiri.
For those who don't know much about the ATC and its aims, a brief rundown on what is available to cadets, who are prepared to work for it, and the history of the Corps follows:
Formed in 1941, during the darkest part of the last war, by Royal Warrant the ATC was tasked with giving pre­entry training for young men intending to join the RAF and Fleet Air Arm. By the end of hostilities over half a million cadets had passed through its hands, of which 170,000 had joined the armed services. As many as 500 awards for gallantry were won by these ex cadets, including one Victoria Cross.

After the war, when massive reinforcements were no longer required in the forces the ATC began to change towards being a youth organisation first and a method of recruitment second. In 1968, a third Royal Warrant fined the aims of the Corps as follows.
To provide and encourage among young men a practical interest in aviation and our Air Force.
To provide training which will be useful both in Service and civilian life.
To foster the spirit of adventure and to develop the qualities of leadership and good citizenship.
Today, HQ Air Cadets, at RAF Brampton, ranks as an RAF Group, with a serving Air Commodore as AoC Air Cadets.
Brampton is in overall command of 47 ATC 'Wings', each on a county or area basis. These wings administer the 1,0.00 ATC units, and 33,000 Air Cadets, that make up the present day strength of the Corps.
At Corps level, are 50 DR Chipmunk trainer aircraft, split up into 13 Air Experience Flights all stationed at points around the UK. The job of these flights is to get cadets airborne, and show them in practice many of the things they learn in theory on the ground. In addition to this, 350 Flying Scholarships are awarded annually giving selected cadets over the age of 17, a free flying course of 30 hours at civilian flying clubs. These lucky 350 fly
solo during the course, and many pay for the extra few hours required to qualify for their private pilots' licence.
In the field of gliding, the ATC has its own fleet of glider aircraft, about 140 strong. These, like the Chipmunks are spread around the country in 29 Gliding Schools. These schools which together add up to the largest gliding training organisation in the Western World, enable 2,500 cadets annually to qualify for the A & B gliding certificate whilst many others reach a higher standard still.

We also cater for those who like the outdoor life. The ATC runs two Adventure Training Centres, in the Lake District and Snowdonia, as well as paying for 60 places at Outward Bounds Schools annually. It is also worth remembering that the ATC piloted the Duke of Edinburgh's Award Scheme. The first awards going to Air Cadets.

So much for the ATC in general, now for No.1 (Overseas) Squadron in particular. Cadets are accepted from 
13 years, and have to undergo a ten week period of basic training to qualify for the 'First Class Cadet' badge. Once in possession of this badge, the gates open, and they become eligible for the 'perks' of cadet life. These include regular range practices with 3 Wing RAF Regiment, using .22in and 7.62mm weapons and air experience flights with 70 Sqn. Trips in the marine craft of 1153 MCU are also in this bracket, and many of our cadets learn at first hand about search and rescue techniques, being rescued by the helicopters of 84 Sqn from Limossal Bay.

From the First Class stage, cadets progress through Leading Senior Cadet before arriving at Staff Cadet status, and qualifying for the distinctive yellow Lanyard. At the same time cadets who show qualities of leadership may be promoted to Cadet NCO rank. These lads are encouraged and given a certain amount of responsibility over the other cadets, so building self confidence and self reliance. Although a lot of classroom work is carried out, this is aimed at improving a cadets knowledge of Air Force matters, after all, it is pointless looking around an aircraft, if the cadets have no idea how or why it flies.

Not everything is done in class however, as apart from the activities set out above, regular visits to many units at Akrotiri are carried out. These, together with practical map reading exercises and training films build up throughout the year towards the Annual Camp, which comes around each July or August.

Annual camp for us is usually held at Malta, although we have been guests of the Army in the Eastern SBA. Travel to Malta is provided by RAF sources and during the week at camp, cadets live in barrack accommodation, eat in the airmen's mess and visit many interesting places both on and off service establishments. The whole eight days, including travel costs each cadet 500 mils.

If this article has wetted your appetite a little, both as a possible cadet or instructor, why. not come and see us
on a parade night? Better still phone Mr D V Apps ­Akrotiri 2167, Fg Off.. P Comina -Akrotiri 2064 or Fg Off R Van Geene -Akrotiri 2424. We will be only too pleased to give you the information you need.
Akrotiri Primary School Toy Fair 

On 28th March Akrotiri Primary Schoo1 held a 'Toy Fair' which was a great success and raised a total of £119.
The children did a great deal of the work themselves collecting jars, comics, books etc. and then classifying, pricing the items, arranging and decorating the stalls and eventually doing most of the selling. Other features organised by the children were, A Ghost House, Juke Box, Knock the Tins Down, Raffles etc.
Particularly successful was a stall organised by the 2nd Year which comprised a board through which 'victims' inserted their heads and, for a price, had wet sponges hurled at them. When some of the teachers took on the role of 'victim' the fun was fast and furious.
Donkeys were brought in from Akrotiri Village to provide rides. The Headmaster, Mr D V Apps with the school goalkeeper Gary Vienneou ran a 'Score a Goal' stall. Perhaps the most mildly successful stall was the 'Ghost House' which had long queues throughout the morning. However, everybody 8semed to enjoy the fair and it may well become a regular feature each year. The money raised from the fair will be used to purchase items of equipment for the school and same will be given to charity.